she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
