3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
