Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
