So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
