Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
