This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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