You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
