Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He? As in you personified your dick?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
