My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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