I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
