I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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