My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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