so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
