Who did Billy Mays play for?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
