The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
