Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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