If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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