Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
