you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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