She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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