i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
