the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
