he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
