Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
