You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
