Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
