i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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