I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
