I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
