i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
