Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
