ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
