we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
