Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
