I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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