having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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