We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
