i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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