i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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