even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
