She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
