i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
