I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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