I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
