just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
