I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
