why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
