I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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