then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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