Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Screwed.edu
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
