Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
