we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
