its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
