Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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