He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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