Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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