cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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