Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
