Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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