I am puke
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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