take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize