I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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