THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
