Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
