so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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