Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Can I color on your dick again?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
