i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
