he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
